fat girl sex: sex-proof your make-up

Fat Girl Sex is a weekly sex column devoted to the celebration of the sexual empowerment of women, body and sex positivity featuring personal meandering about all the nasty things we do in the dark.

Have you ever found yourself sucking dick so vigorously that your eyelashes are stuck to your eyelids? Ever internally died of embarrassment after realizing that half of your foundation had been smeared on the white bedsheets? What about raccoon eyes resulting from subsequent sweatiness? Let’s face it, if you paint your face and also have sex, that shit can get wildly messy — and totally cringe-y.

But, as always, I’m here to help. Sex and make-up artistry are two of my personal favorite forms of self-expression. My body is both a canvas for creative visual expression and a vehicle for pleasure. Sometimes, though, those two passions clash, and when they do, it ain’t cute. And I love being cute. So, with that in mind, here are a few sexy make-up time staples to help you keep your face on while you’re getting off.

SETTING STRAYS AND POWDERS

Whether you’re getting your back blown out of its summer in New York City, setting spray is the most important factor to keeping your face on. I literally would not bother doing a full face of makeup in the first place if I can’t finish it with a solid setting spray. The most popular of these is probably Urban Decay’s (one of the very few holy grails the company still has) All Nighter, which also comes in De-Slick, an oil-control formula, and a hydrating formula. The special sauce for this spray is made by Skindinavia which makes its own setting spray — and has a minor cult following. It’s legit and would probably be suitable for many of you.

But that’s not my recommendation. There are hella setting sprays out there and most are going to do what is promised. For me, depending on your preference of mist texture and saturation:

MAC Cosmetics Prep + Prime Fix+

MAC’s Fix It+ is a true holy grail product. It’s a classic spray that doubles as a primer you can use on a brush during foundation or eyeshadow application, and it’s the most reliable setting spray that I have tried in the past decade*. This is what I like to describe as a “wet” spray. The spray itself comes out in sizable molecules that liberally mist your face. Like, I don’t know what kind of science this is that prevents the droplets from making your make-up run, but its a thing. You can’t go wrong with this spray and the coconut scent is my shit. ($28, maccosmetics.com)

Beauty Bakerie Flour Setting Powder

Black-owned brand Beauty Bakerie has the lock on a gorgeous setting powder. I use Cassava, the yellow color. It is fucking fabulous. It sets creams and liquids, smoothing out under-eye concealer to prevent creasing. Great for highlighting, too. For all-over the face, they sell a translucent powder that is pretty great, too. The mattifying nature of face powder creates a luxe velvety layer on top of the foundation which will help it stay put.
($24, beautybakerie.com)

HONORABLE MENTIONS

* Model In A Bottle will seal your makeup on to your face. It’s incredible. But it’s also extremely suffocating to your skin, so I do not recommend wearing it on a daily basis. Special occasions only.

* Beauty Bakerie also sells an interesting aerosol setting spray that’s a bit more affordable at $18. Worth checking out.

EYELASH GLUE

Man. Next to brown foundation stains on sheets, I had having to sacrifice rocking fleek-y, wispies while I’m getting it in. I am a literal sex goddess, so lashes are one way I like to dress the part, for me. However, when there’s a dick in your mouth for 10 plus minutes and you’re putting in work, things can get, well, messy. And I know I look like a fucking dork when sweaty skin causes my lashes to displace themselves from my lash line and stick themselves to my eyelid.

Lilly Lash Brush-On Lash Adhesive in Clear

My absolute favorite lash glue not only ensures that lashes stay put in even the most…active of times. It’s easy to clean off your lashes once you’re finished to maximize re-use potential. It’s Lilly Lashes’ Brush-On Lash Adhesive in Clear. And this shit right here…is epic. It applies as an iridescent color and dries clear and is perfect when it comes to preventing lifting at the corners, which is how lashes come flying off. Lilly Lashes also sells bomb-ass lashes, highly recommend those as well, but we not here for that today.

Never suck dick without it. ($13, lillylashes.com)

HONORABLE MENTIONS

* Sephora Collection’s House Of Lashes® Eyelash Adhesiveis also a good, more affordable option at $9. More difficult to remove from lashes post-wear, but a reliable glue to keep lashes put.

EYEBROWS

Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion

So, even if I don’t happen to be in a full-beat, my eyebrows are 100% going to be on. And I find that this is one of the most at-risk places on my face to experience smearing and melt-off. With that in mind, I always prime the shit out of my eyebrows and avoid oily products when I fill them in, even on a daily basis. For that, I stick with Urban Decay’s other holy grail product, their Eyeshadow Primer Potion (I ONLY like the original formula) and apply it liberally across my bare brows. I let this settle into the skin and then begin filling in with my favorite fine-point brow pencil, which is Benefit’s precisely, my brow eyebrow pencil. If you wait too long, the area will get tacky and it will be harder to apply brows. I like to go over the finished brows with a clear gel. I’ve been super impressed with Billion Dollar Brow’s clear gel. I do, however, recommend dusting brows with their own ’setting powder’ using a similar colored eyeshadow if your brows are prone to oiliness. ($24, urbandecay.com))

And that’s it, my pretties! The make-up products I cannot live without when I’m getting down and dirty. Curious to hear what some of your favorites and holy grails for a mess-proof face are.