Artwork by Sage Guillory

Radical Self CareSex & Gender

fat girl sex: sex toy guide

December 4, 2019
149 Picks

Fat Girl Sex is a bi-weekly sex column devoted to the celebration of the sexual empowerment of women, body, and sex-positivity featuring personal meandering about all the nasty things we do in the dark.

Deck your balls with latex and leather! ‘Tis the season, my kinky friends, to treat yourself or a loved one to endless orgasms. And what better way than to invest in a new sex toy to get your rocks off in the new year.

With all of you babes in mind, I picked out several of my favorite pleasure toys, trustworthy sex shops to buy from, and some major safety tips you’ll want to consider when picking out a new toy.


Sex toys can generally be split into a few major categories: dildos, vibrators, anal toys, strap-ons, penis toys, fetish/BDSM gear, and varying filthy accessories and even furniture. So, start there. What are we shopping for?

When it comes to dildos, there are many different types to suit anyone’s sensibilities, whether they like to be penetrated by a human penis or not. Nowadays dildos are molded as realistic, semi-realistic, non-phallic, or G- and P-spot focused. Within these groups, you’ll find harness-compatible dildos, double-sided dildos, and dildos with suction cups. I find that any quality dildo will be harness-friendly or feature a suction cup for mounting. I am SUPER into non-phallic dildos, one because the designs are so fucking cool and beautiful, much more fun to look at than a hyper-realistic dong. They’re also super accessible for people and couples who aren’t so much interested in dicks as they are penetration. And for people who are just into that freak shit, non-phallic dildos come in many zany styles with wild influences. Seriously, you can buy a dildo that’s shaped after a chili pepper or a bishop chess piece. The sci-fi-inspired dongs are pretty amazing, as you would imagine.

I’m majorly impressed by the non-phallic designs coming out of BS Atelier, Vixen-Creations, Blush (Avant line), Uberrime, to name a few.


Shopping for the right vibrator online can be really tricky. Determining whether or not a certain vibrator suits your sensibilities comes down to the types of vibrations you find pleasurable and the style of vibrator you want to interact with. There are external vibrators, internal vibrators, a combination of both, vibrators for penises, and anal vibrators. Hannah Rimm goes over this more in-depth for Healthline, here.

Personally, I like the option of swapping out different penetrators to use in tandem with my favorite vibrator, a multi-speed Magic Wand. This way I can customize the orgasm to suit the mood. But, hey, I’m greedy.

Once you’ve got that sorted, you’ll want to turn your attention to the type of motor and functionality you want. These two factors determine the strength and ferocity of the vibrations as well as patterns, settings, speed, power source, water-friendly options, etc. Do you want your G-spot to vibrate at the same RPM as your favorite song? Or do you like to feel unpredictable pulsating patterns across your vulva? Perhaps you’d like something unconventionally multi-use? Honestly, there are so many beautifully crafted toys to choose from.


It’s not all Fleshlights and sex dolls. I mean, it is, but innovations in the realm of pleasure toys for people with penises is off the charts. Seriously, there’s an amazing amount of stimulators and masturbaters to put your dick in. While these look pretty dull and technical on the outside, the engineering inside these joints is mind-blowing.

Trying to go up the butt? In my humble, slutty opinion, the first two rules of ass play are 1) practice good hygiene and 2) take your time. There’s a lot of pleasure to be had up the butt, but it’s also one of the most delicate parts of the body you can penetrate. If you’re a newbie interested in exploring anal toys, choose plugs meant for training. Slowly work your way up in size, if you’d like, before exploring anal dildos and all of that.


If you’re buying online, first and foremost be very discerning about where you purchase your new goodies from. Don’t trust suspiciously low pricing. Consider what you’re buying: a piece of hardware meant for intimate contact with your most intimate body parts. Invest in a piece that you’re going to have for a while, one that won’t slowly try to kill you. Sex toys are sold at wide-ranging price points, from cloudy, cheap plastic to 20-karat gold insertable beads. Luxe brands and high-priced toys aren’t superior across the board, it’s all about preference and budget.

Spencers Gifts isn’t the ideal place to buy actual sex toys from. Curiously, a mainstream retailer like Urban Outfitters actually is. They have a small, but a well-rounded selection of quality toys. But there are many reputable feminist, sex-positive, inclusionary retailers that I recommend checking out. Here are a few of my favorites:

Spectrum Boutique
Come As You Are
Good Vibrations
Early To Bed


We’re almost done, but the last thing you’ll want to consider is what your toy is made of. Sex toys come in many materials, but you first want to determine whether or not the materials are porous or non-porous. Porous toys are generally softer and less expensive than non-porous toys. While not out-right bad, porous toys present the risk of trapping bacteria which can re-infect you, spread STIs, bacterial infections and yeast infections between you and your partner when used without a condom or protective barrier. What’s worse is many of these products contain phthalates, a chemical agent mixed with plastics to make the toy flexible. This chemical is potentially extremely harmful, can trigger allergic reactions, chemical reactions, and all sorts of un-sexy shit. So, yeah. You really, really want to know what you’re putting inside your body.

Generally, non-porous sex toys are the way to go. Often priced a little higher, toys made from non-porous materials are usually of higher quality. And they’re safer. Unlike their counterparts, non-porous materials don’t harbor dirt and bacteria and they can be sterilized 100%. Many of these types of toys are metal, glass, treated wood, and silicon.

Silicone toys will be the sweet spot for most shoppers. Toys made from this material come in all sorts of firmness levels making them ideal for all types of uses. But another material you’ll want to look out for is hard ABS plastic. These are how they sound, pretty much. Think bullet vibrators. Experience-wise, ABS toys tend to be a little louder and deliver, at times, a more intense vibration.

There is SO much more to learn about the world of sex toys, but hopefully this little guide helps you get started. Anal beads or no, my Christmas wish for you above all else is a peaceful holiday of radical self-love and joy. Be gentle to yourself as we close out 2019 because you deserve it.