decolonizing sexuality: why does same-sex male intimacy get such hateful reactions?

By Lou Constant-Desportes, AFROPUNK Editor-in-Chief

One topic that never fails to bring out fragile masculinity and toxic homophobes, is same-sex male intimacy, love and/or sex. It doesn’t even have to be homosexuality: the minute some people see a depiction of two men caring for each other, they start getting angry.

So, why exactly are people getting bent out of shape about two consenting adults loving on each other? One would think that if you’re clear with your own sexuality, it wouldn’t matter to you who someone else is sleeping with, unless they’re hurting someone, right? 😉 Isn’t it a colonial state of mind to think we’re entitled to control what people do with their own bodies? Let’s decolonize this sh*t!

We recently featured a photo series by Brazilian photographer Beatriz Varella, and as always, many of the comments on social media were from upset people. Some saying out right how much they hate gay people, some trying to come up with other reasons to get upset, but we know they just can’t stand seeing a picture of two men being intimate:

The same thing happened when visual artist Markus Prime posted the following image on Instagram:

Ive literally drawn lesbians having sex, straight people having sex..nobody gave a shit. But I draw two men kissing. And only straight black men lose they shit….I did this just for y’all….👍🏿

A post shared by Markus Prime (@markus.effin.prime) on Apr 9, 2018 at 11:37pm PDT

We explore the effects of toxic masculinity and how to dismantle it on a regular basis in our content. It seems to be at the root of a lot of the hateful reactions:

This idea that men are not allowed to show vulnerability, be soft, intimate, is toxic for everyone, including the men who try to uphold it and suppress their emotions – which results in unhealthy expressions of uncontrollable anger. Homophobia and misogyny can be expressions of toxic masculinity.

We won’t even go into the bullsh*t argument that homosexuality is “un-African”. First of all, it’s not true. But even if it were true, again, why get so bent out of shape about what two consenting adults are doing?

If your “pro-blackness” hurts Black women, Black queer people, etc., then you’re not really pro-black. Just say you want a kind of patriarchy where ‘straight’ Black men can oppress everyone else.

Maybe it’s time to read up about intersectionality to stop hurting yourself and everyone around you. People who are not harming anyone get killed and are oppressed around the world because of homophobia and toxic masculinity.

As for the religious “argument”, well, who told you you could expect other people to live by your religious beliefs? At the end of the day, if you’re at peace with yourself, you don’t feel the need to hurt anyone. If you’re hurting inside, unpacking the real causes seems more appropriate than taking your anger out on people who are not responsible for your pain.

Either way, queer people are here to stay and shouldn’t have to struggle for the right to exist.

Love and light,

Nounouche