when will my son become an ain’t shit ass nigga? where are the allies for black women?

By Darletta Scruggs, AFROPUNK Contributor

A CONVERSATION FOR THE BLACK COMMUNITY

I ask myself, where are the examples of Black love that loves Black women? Where are the examples of Black families that respect Black women? I’m not talking cathedral or procedural, “you hate us yet we need you, where is a Black marxist feminist to turn to” examples. When should I warn you of the day my son may become an ain’t shit ass nigga? As a mother of a Black son I’m stuck in this conundrum of which oppression to run from and what to teach my son. His Black skin makes him a target, his class relation limits his mobility but do I speak up or stay silent when he turns his vengeance against me? When will my son become an ain’t shit ass nigga. When will he see women as property, properly used for the amusement of male entertainment, male gaze, male disdainment.

When will he think “bitches ain’t shit but hoes and tricks.” Good for sucking dick then quickly dismissed. When will he start to convey and say what the world teaches everyday. That Black women are inferior. When will he become an ain’t shit ass nigga. When will his girls have cooties turn into girls can’t do these into girls don’t rule, see, I have a hard time digesting that the oppression of Black women by the hand of Black men is something we are not to question. We internalize so much pain and trauma, from the grand mamas to the baby mamas. But we carry on, strong. Hoping one day our husbands our sons stand up and respect us. Protect us. Who are we to trust? Thus, when will my son become an ain’t shit ass nigga. See the ruling class has effectively reduced any convo around oppression to be merely a question of attitudes, morals, and transgressions. Eternal damnation for you sins of today but we dare not say what those sins are.

Who will heal our scars?

When will my son start to believe that female genitalia predisposes us to failure, weakness and emotional instability Black women barely seen as people. We, get toned policed by the white man, put in our place by the Black man. White women don’t even see us Black women. We compete, no matter where we turn we’re subject to defeat. When will my son become an ain’t shit ass nigga. Can’t even talk gender pay gap because you disrespect Black men when you say that. And let’s not begin to bring up the relation between Black and white women, Oh well you’re just an angry Black woman then. We can’t win.

What am I to do. Do I avoid the truth?

When will my son become an ain’t shit ass nigga. See the creation of the nuclear family instilled in society the role of gender hierarchy, then add to that for centuries women were barely allowed in the factories therefore in order to eat, we needed a husband. But let men tell it we want to be cuffed then. When will my son start to believe that women exist just to bear his seed, play dress up with lashes and hair weaves, just to ensure he’s pleased. Body shaming, victim blaming, ignored tortured yet we can’t even be granted the words, of, “yes Black women we acknowledge your pain” No, our oppression then becomes a game. Now lets give 101 reasons while we man-splain that Black men don’t gain from patriarchy. Apparently, Black women’s pain is a farce, see, when will it start. The day my son becomes an ain’t shit ass nigga.

We are told it’s genetics, biological, kinetics. On certain topics women just don’t get it. And boiiiiii don’t let be begin about misogyny among the left. See, we are tokenized at the same time ostracized don’t you dare be a Black woman whose outspoken with pride. Just quietly sit aside until we realize you purpose. Yeah it’s all radical on the surface. So we somber in their mediocrity, we try to speak but often met with hostility or complicity. Damn can you let a bytch be! We just tryna be free. We just want to shine but the world acts like we tryna leave everyone behind with no acknowledgement or respect for our grind.

I’m tired of downplaying my brilliance!

Only allowed to display my resilience. So I sit in bewilderment. When will my son become an ain’t shit ass nigga. When will his response to rejection mean pulling the trigger. As a Black woman I wonder sometimes do I give up. They say there is power in truth yet when Black women speak up everyone refute. And don’t you dare be a Black man who see’s the equality in women, because then, your just helping the white man divide our community. So much complicity in our suffering, when does our healing begin? How much more are Black women expected to withstand. They call our suffering a “trend”.

Black families don’t protect young girls! I say Black families don’t protect Black girls. I need you to hear me. Black families don’t protect young girls!!!

Because that would mean we would need to be protected from within, from Black kin. From uncles, daddies and cousins or maybe even the husbands. Imagine what life is like for a young Black girl that has been economically deprived. Soliciting herself to older men just to survive. Maybe get lucky and thrive, will my son be that guy? When will my son become an ain’t shit ass nigga. You see the picture is much bigger, my words may offend you but I promise my intent is just to help you remember. That some of us are judged because of our gender. Men say that’s an exaggeration of course, they act like when they see a woman they never had pussy before yet brag they get pussy galore.

And we can’t even have a discussion about this, without other women giving their two cents. Reminding us that in every community this issue exist so be tolerant, girl sit! You don’t like Blackness you just like Black dick so quit. Because when a Black man raise his hands it is me he hits. Yes Black women are pissed! We tired of this shit, of our pain being dismissed. I try not to be remiss, of when my son may become an ain’t shit as nigga. White women feel that to talk about Black women means they don’t exist, well ain’t that some shit! Yeah not all white people had slaves as property but they upheld this system by making sure Black people knew when and when not to speak so of course we give ya’ll the side eye when we are tone policed

It took me some time to break away, and observe, to finally understand what it means when Black people say white people take up so much space

In case after case, it starts with give daddy a kiss, to don’t give daddy no lip because if you talk back yo hot ass will get whipped. So from birth we are taught to be silent, understanding. Just keep smilin for the appeasement of men see, I’m not here for your satisfaction. Your comfort in my limited actions. As if the world too isn’t holding me back nigga I too am Black!

White supremacy don’t only affect Black men, capitalism also exploits women since it began. We talk about about history, slavery, but what is often erased is Black women were also enslaved you see we too were in chains! Where is the bravery. For Black women. We don’t hate you, we just tryna win. We fight to liberate you but you put our struggles at whim. Will my son become one of them, an ain’t shit ass nigga.

Our cries fall on deaf ears, our names ridiculed and smeared. Yes you’re a queen until your “morals” disappear. Then you just a bitch with a queen veneer. Oh dear. Black man Black man. When will you take a stand. Women are more than, your daughters your sisters your mistress. To coddle you when you’re in distress, shit we need rest! Black men say women are also the transgressor. Oh you thought you were the only one who knew how to mimic your oppressor? See why every time Black women bring up Black men crimes it must mean we are erasing the opposite. We know Black women ain’t shit! Because when the choice is given Black men we defend! But anytime we talk about our pain we have to be reminded of our sins. Goddamn! As if Black men don’t harm their Black children. As if Black men don’t internalized their oppression within

You don’t want to hear us, you just want to be near us. The world has put limits on your control. So your power over us you refuse to let go, even as we bear our souls, even when we tell you no. Yet that’s not hate? So against Black women Black men don’t discriminate? No one is saying this is fate but when you have thousands of Black women that can relate, well it must be some truth to it. Black men refuse to admit

A smart mouth means we are cursed but a fat ass makes us blessed. The attention of men we seek to impress. The closer we are to whiteness means the more tolerable we are to Black men so it doesn’t get lost on me that I may get treated better because of my light skin. But that’s not even a conversation we can begin to have, because Black women stay competing for the attention of men to grab. And if it is Black men that we seek, then our claims of pain must be hidden, buried deep, so we don’t offend. When does this end?

Black men we are not trying to hurt you, we just what you to know that we hurt too. Capitalism and White supremacy has destroyed the Black community but what is often left out of the picture is the role of Patriarchy. Misogyny, No Black men admitting this does not make you weak. Because if you did then you would see that Patriarchy lends itself to YOUR DEFEAT. Keeping your emotions bleak, unable to weep because of toxic masculinity. Causing you to inflict pain on us you see its a vicious cycle, lack of trust, chasing titles in a rush hugging bibles. Let’s just all pray on it, but unless we have these conversation we gone stay on it.

Just asking that we, you don’t forget. I can go on and on but I’ll digress.
Black women I love you, put nothing above you. Now don’t misunderstand, you talk shit you will get these hands and sometimes politically we may have some toxic trends be on opposite ends. It’s time for us to stick together until the end.

Because the allies for our struggles, are working class Black women.

Keep ya head up.

Darletta Scruggs is Organizer and community activist from the south side of Chicago. International speaker and political analysis. Mother, Feminist and Socialist

Twitter:@LettaSpeaks

Facebook: Letta Dee