Breaking Free: Why It’s Time To Forgo Being The Strong Black Woman

When I was in elementary school I came home and cried to my mom, and that was the first time I ever heard the words, “Strong Black Woman.” In retrospect, it is quite interesting that I can’t remember what made me so distressed, but how the advice I was given has remained forever entrenched in my mind. In response to being upset, I was told that I needed to be a Strong Black Woman and I internalized that to mean that strong Black women don’t cry, hold their emotions inside and remain stoic in the face of adversity. 

This part of my upbringing is not unique or dissimilar to many of my contemporaries. Indeed, this trope has been passed down to Black women for centuries, with its origins tracing back to “slavery as a survival response to an existence rife with violence, exploitation, and oppression, and it has been passed intergenerationally through parents’, particularly mothers’, socialization of Black girls,” per an article published by the Journal of Black Psychology. 

“During slavery, internalization of these traits was likely necessary for personal, familial, and community survival,” the article contends. “Today, Black women no longer have to contend with institutionalized chattel slavery, but they do have to contend with such significant intersectional stressors as racialized sexism and gendered racism.”

And there is a cost associated with being or trying to be this archetypal Strong Black Woman. As Houston based therapist Martha Lopez-Fowler, MA, LPC told AFROPUNK. “The archetype of the strong black woman can create an invisible burden where vulnerability is seen as weakness.”

“Many black women feel pressured to always appear resilient, which often leads to suppressing emotions, neglecting self-care, and avoiding seeking help,” continued Lopez-Fowler. “Over time, this emotional silencing can contribute to anxiety, depression, and burnout, making it essential to challenge the stereotype and allow space for rest, softness and support.”

Research has confirmed this stereotype can be harmful, with one study finding, “theoretical, anecdotal, and qualitative evidence suggests an association between SBW [Strong Black Woman] endorsement and negative health outcomes such as high levels of stress and depressive and anxious symptoms…Scholars have hypothesized that this link is the result of SBW’s [Strong Black Woman’s] relentless strength which does not allow for the expression of emotion or ‘weakness,’ creating an untenable situation where there is no valve to reduce the pressure as stress mounts.”

According to scientists from Columbia University Mailman School of Public Health, “[s]uicide rates among Black women increased from 1999 to 2020, especially among Black teens and young adults.” 

Similar to the Black maternal health crisis, all Black women are at risk. Per Dr. Iman Hypolite, “Regardless of  education, regardless of income…Black women still have the highest risk of suicide — regardless of socioeconomics.” Consequently, the pressure of trying to be a superwoman and adhere to the trope of the Strong Black Woman is believed to be a contributing factor to the increased rate of suicide by Black women. 

In January 2022, attorney, media correspondent, social justice advocate and Miss USA 2019 Cheslie Kryst died by suicide. In her posthumously published memoir, co-authored by her mom April Simpkins, “By the Time You Read This: The Space Between Cheslie’s Smile and Mental Illness,” Kryst wrote about the pressures she faced as a young, beautiful high-achieving Black woman. “It’s difficult being in rooms and sitting on leadership boards where you are the only Black person, the only woman and the only young individual…Times like that used to feed my imposter syndrome, making me think I had to be perfect,” wrote Kryst.

In fact, Tricia Hersey, founder of The Nap Ministry, believes the pressure to simply keep going while appearing outwardly fine places additional stress on Black women’s bodies. “‘Strong Black Woman,’ to me, allows so much time for abuse and manipulation, for not resting, for burning yourself out,” said Hersey. “So the ‘Strong Black Woman’ has never been anything I’ve ever related with. I want rest. I want ease. I need help.”

September is National Suicide Prevention Month, and one thing that we can all do as Black women is to try and embrace and hold space for rest in our lives. Both Lopez-Fowler and Hersey pointed out how taking the time to rest can be one way to reject the idea of striving to be a Strong Black Woman. Because Black women are multi-faceted and should have the capacity to be strong if they want, but also weak, tired, scared, among the myriad of feelings and emotions we endure every day.