Can’t We All Just Get Along?: The Rise Of The Black Gender War

The global pandemic in the year of our Lord, two-thousand-twenty, sure brought a lot of things to our collective consciousness, huh? None more so than the concept of the “high-value man.” I, like many during quarantine, was that day-years-old when introduced to Kevin Samuels. At that point, in the face of a horrifically uncertain future, why not digest the banalities of a sharp-dressed “dating expert”? Points were made. Points were missed. The “oh, shit” chuckles were plenty. But it was the infamous “You’re Average At Best” video in December 2020 that made Samuels, as I call it, “COVID Famous.”

“That’s the problem with too many of you Black women, you don’t do shit the right way with Black men.”

         Oof…

After that went viral, a trend emerged (at least, from what I’ve noticed)—bashing Black women while masking it as helping them…while masking it as male self-improvement. Look, men doling out advice to become a better member of their gender has been a thing since the beginning of men’s magazines like GQ, Esquire, and, yes, Playboy. But they taught men how to tie a Windsor knot and order the proper martini. Those legacy brands didn’t suggest being a better man while getting a helpful boost from the heads of women they’re stepping on and kicking down. You know, the same women they hope to attract due to the elevated status they’re climbing to reach—and if that didn’t get panties dropping, those women were no good anyway. The irony is undefeated.  

Unfortunately, the toxic blueprint Samuels drafted—deliberate or not—has doubled downed and bastardized into more toxicity and shock value by podcasters like Fresh & Fit and Cynthia G, who has some venom for a man’s ass.

“If I said I’m not gonna birth a Black female child, there would be no issue….Because I’m saying, ‘[Black men are] the problem,’ and if I choose to not birth a child, it’s gonna be you because you’re the problem. Any logical person would come to that conclusion.”

         Le Sigh…

Admittedly, a couple of weeks ago, I was that day-years-old when I was introduced to that viral moment and Cynthia G’s YouTube page, “Where Intellect Meets Real Talk!” Decide for yourself if the two correlate—I have a word count to adhere to. There’s more than enough division within the African-American community—whether it’s over the shade of one’s skin or class warfare—that adding “Mars v. Venus” only weighs the race down more, slowing any forward movement.   

The reality is that many people’s insecurities, heartbreak, and sadness are on full display once the record button is pressed. The more videos or podcasts are created on this subject, the more the wedge widens. Because at this point, it’s more about hot takes-turn-clickbait than finding a common understanding of romantic behaviors amongst Black men and women. An understanding of awareness, healing, and growth that individuals need before they invite an outside interest into their world and build together as a union. The sad thing is, viewers and listeners of these platforms are inundated with so many negative viewpoints that they can’t tell if they’re genuine salient beliefs to process. Or the rants of a broken person trying to piece themselves together strictly through likes, attention, new subscribers, and blog posts—one who creates a facade pretending to know the price of everything but the value of nothing.

You can argue the messengers can’t tell the difference, either.