fat girl sex: bondage bruises? bitchin’

‘Fat Girl Sex’ is a bi-weekly sex column devoted to the celebration of the sexual empowerment of womxn, body, and sex-positivity featuring personal meandering about all the nasty things we do in the dark.

I never understood the people who hated hickies. Fourteen-year-old, awkward and pathetically horny, my best gay friend would makeup out with my neck sloppy vampire style. A decade-plus later, I’m begging perverted men to bite me so hard I can’t move my neck. More than that, I surprise myself every time with how proud I am to show my bruises and bites off.

Now, having earned a few kinkster stripes, I’m equally as intrigued by the psychological, even existential, aspects of what makes being devoured in this way so intoxicating. Few things are more erotic than unapologetic, greedy touches and grabs by my partner. With all this belly and ass, I can’t do nothin’ with a partner who doesn’t know how to handle me. Or, worse, is too intimidated to handle me. Being so, you can imagine the electricity when a man is bold enough to bite, paddle, choke, whip, manhandle me, et cetera. Amen, hallelujah.

If, like me, you find yourself pushing the intensity of your sexual exploration, here are some basic tips for treating your body and spirit well as you explore your sexual self-expression.

Aftercare —  As with peeing after sex, Aftercare is a crucial and foundational element of responsible BDSM play, periodt. Aftercare should be a second scoop of ice cream, not obligatory cuddling. But an alternative exchange of desire and affection.

Engaging in power dynamics that push your sexual, physical limits can be so fucking liberating, but can be just as deeply confusing, empty or lonely for a submissive in ways that can leave them feeling exploited and not cared for. This can fall into the same category as Sub Drop. Sub Drop is your body’s response to experiencing high levels of adrenaline and endorphins during sex which are abruptly halted when intense physical intimacy isn’t replaced with that same level of emotional intimacy. This is only one example of Sub Drop and it can manifest in a variety of ways for a variety of reasons.

You know after a porn scene where the two performers are cuddled up in robes or towels debriefing their experience during that scene? That’s a performative example of the idea of self-care. In real life, this blissful come-down time can be as intense as the actual play. What Aftercare looks like for you and your partners may be different from others, too! Personally, I like deep, grabby cuddles, soft kisses, and verbal adoration. A joint and a juice box are bonuses.

You need to Aftercare the shit outta your boo to keep them safe, happy, and orgasmic.

KinkOutLoud.com, SubmissiveGuide.com, and Lovense.com have solid posts about Aftercare and ideas post-scene cuddles.

Physically, there’s actually a lot you can do to heal damaged skin, bruises, contusions, and minor wounds.

If you’re not with the shits, an ice compress is your best friend. Since bruising indicated a wound, you want to speed up healing by reducing swelling with an ice pack for 10-20 minutes at a time, on and off for the first day or two. Rest up and be gentle with your temple. If possible, keep the bruised area elevated. Don’t press on it, you, masochist. And if you really want to speed up healing, consider upping your vitamin c and iron intake. Eat leafy greens, beans, poultry, all that.

Alternatively, if you’re like me, you can just post your well-earned marks on the internet for the world to see. Sorry, dad.