fat girl sex: three kinda is a crowd

Fat Girl Sex is a weekly sex column devoted to the celebration of the sexual empowerment of women, body and sex positivity featuring personal meandering about all the nasty things we do in the dark.

The truth is that sometimes… three really are a crowd. And I’m starting to feel like sex is really one of those times. And as exciting as it is to be in a bed with multiple Good, Giving, and Game bodies frankly, there ain’t that much shit to do. At least not the whole time?

I met… let’s call him Applesauce. I met Applesauce on a dating app. Very normal profile, nothing salacious, just a few cute pictures of him and his girl. We’ll call her Maple. I had matched with a few couples before, just for kicks. But this couple was different. First of all, they had a photo with the Mets mascot and apparently that gets me goin, so there’s that. But what really got my panties wet was how absolutely in control Applesauce was the moment we started texting.

We had that freaky-deaky immediate connection of pure submission and domination. As a Black womanist of the new millennium, submitting to some stinky man is not my default. Which is why it’s so exciting when I meet a man who brings that side out of me. And without turning this into a smut column, but the way this man took control of my sexuality and showed me who’s boss… whew, chile. Let me just say, it’s so nice to have a man who knows what he’s doing in charge.

So after exchanging a dozen lewds and completing a few sexy tasks — as all good girls should do — I was DTF about three days after matching. Which… even for me is a little fast. But to be perfectly honest what’s the point in waiting when you find something you want?

There was just one little wrinkle in my plane and that was the Girlfriend, Maple. An adorable petite woman with an edgy haircut who apparently would be participating in the sexy charades with us. I had yet to even speak to her! Let alone connect with her. All she knew was that I was up all over her mans. Having never been with a couple before I was nervous about what to expect to say the least.

On the night of our appointment, I took two trains from my Williamsburg apartment into the heart of Queens. Yes, an hour-plus commute to get some strange dick after work. I’m that girl.

I knocked on the door and wiped the sweat from my brow. Applesauce answered. We hugged. I laughed loudly like The Joker, out of nerves. Behind him was the mystery woman, Maple. She was absolutely stunning. Offered me candy and gave me splendid life advice. Was it awkward? As ass. I spent the first hour making friends with their adorable cats on the couch cracking jokes.

When we finally made it to the bedroom, shit was poppin’… for them. Half-naked in my best Savage X ensemble (Riri would be so proud) I voyeuristically peered on from the edge of the bed. Watching them slowly devour each other during foreplay. Their chemistry was off the charts. And, well, I… was there! I was there… and sometimes they even noticed me. Taking turns kissing and rubbing against me. Teasing and slapping. Pulling and choking. Those bits were awesome. And I was in paradise.

However, it wasn’t long until I found myself staring at the ceiling lazily masturbating to the sounds that had very little to do with me. “She’s the real star of the show,” Applesauce cooed in Maple’s ear, rubbing her stomach from behind. And this is where things took a turn.

…I thought I was the star of the show?

As it turns out — no, no I was not. I was a fun accessory for a well-established couple who already had a harem, yes… a real harem of women to serve and obey them. I was another greedy chick to be trained and put in her place, which, apparently, was off to the side.

“I think I’m gonna call it a night,” Applesauce said.

Unpenetrated, slightly cranky, and vaguely horny I put my clothes back on and wondered if it was worth the hour-long train ride into the mysterious borough I had yet to traverse. And you’re damn skippy it was.

Exploring your sexuality isn’t always about cumming your pants doing the wildest shit. Sometimes it’s just about stepping outside your comfort zone and meeting awesome new people. I may have bored the shit out of Applesauce and Maple, or maybe I just wasn’t their type. But what I did learn is that I — Erin Elyse White — am a bad bitch who can empower herself by taking new sexual risks that intimidate me. I did that.