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education access has always been a white people scam

March 14, 2019
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Rich, white folks are so ghetto. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

The most recent example of this ratchedness is the college admission scandal involving ‘ol girl from Desperate Housewives and Aunt Becky from Full House. And giiiirl, this shit is wild. I mean, we all knew that buying and flexing your way into college was what elitist 1 and 2 percenters do to get their mediocre children into university, but it wasn’t clear to me that folks were Photoshopping their kid’s heads on top of Getty Image photos. Or rigging proctored standardized testing.

I know that people like Jared Kushner’s dad donated millions of dollars to Ivy League schools to get their underachieving children in. I didn’t know that white folks were out here dropping half a million dollars on admission packages for kids who barely graduated high school.

While sitcom celebs are bribing testing proctors, where the fuck are the companies responsible for securing the legitimacy and fairness of things like the SAT? Well, they’re busy policing Black students with “suspiciously” high test scores. Like Kamilah Campbell, a Black high school student who had the second of two test scores invalidated by The College Board when it was deemed to be “too much” higher than the first test.

While rich white people buy their way into schools in which they do not belong, Black parents are routinely and harshly punished for taking smaller measures to ensure base-level access to public education. Like Tony McDowell, the homeless single mother who was sent to prison for five years after sending her son to a school outside their school district. Or Yolanda Miranda who was charged with grand larceny and a $25,000 bail for sending her kids to a school 9 miles away from their home in 2009. And Kelley Williams-Bolar who was convicted of two felonies (later reduced to misdemeanors) for sending her daughters to a nearby, out-of-district school.

And what each of these mothers have in common is not being able to live in a community that houses quality, free public education. Something lacking in their own neighborhoods. They lied not to give their children access they didn’t earn, but to give them access to a fair chance in this world as self-sufficient adults.

So forgive me, Aunt Becky, while I keke as your daughters’ dorm rooms are cleaned out.