Film / TV
insecure: when nathan goes ghost
September 25, 2018
Don’t come for me, but I get why Nathan ghosted Issa. As someone who has been on both sides of the messy ghosting equation, Issa going full stalker and (trying to) pull a Mr. Robot with Nathan’s laptop is relatable on a level only my therapist knows about, but being the “ghoster” also carries with it, its own twisted rhyme and reason.
Insecure is filled to the brim with men exhibiting “F*** N****” behavior: whether they are indeed “F*** N*****” remains to be seen. Nathan came in at a time where Issa desperately needed something new and revitalizing as a breather from the dumpster fire that was her life. The fresh energy he brought supplied Issa (and the newly minted #NancefordHive) with rose-tinted sunglasses, obscuring clear signs that Nanceford himself, was capable of “F*** N****” behavior.
The moment that cemented Nathan in our hearts is likely the same moment that should have alerted us that this man was about to go all “Casper” on Issa. When they’re lying in bed and Nathan turns to Issa all earnest (because these men practice that move, it’s the only explanation) and asks her “How do you know when it’s real?”, my heart dropped for Issa. I’m not out here to make sweeping statements about men but society has conditioned men to trust their instincts more than woman. It’s how women know how to pay attention to a man’s actions over his words, but even then, the game has changed.
Essentially, Nathan had revealed that he was still navigating the question marks surrounding their relationship, while Issa, in a moment of vulnerability, told Nathan that “it” felt real to her. Nathan being the first to say that he likes Issa is puzzling but he is a man and men have a track record of hurting people they care about. Nathan either really likes Issa and doesn’t know how to deal with it or he kinda likes her and feels guilty about not being on the same level. Either way, ghosting her was probably a misguided attempt to not hurt her feelings. Obviously, it didn’t work.
Molly was on the money when she said: “If he gets scared off because you’re too real then why do you want him?” It is truly and honestly a word (that Molly should also listen to because she had a man who still liked her despite her being very real early on, but hey). It’s hard not to take being ghosted personally because it really could be solved with something as simple as a text message. Dating isn’t simple though and neither are people. As frustrating as it can be to witness, it’s what makes Insecure so powerful.
Ghosting sucks. There are just no two ways about it. I’m not here to justify it and I definitely don’t have the answers for avoiding it in future. Dating is a gamble, and Insecure has been masterful in depicting the somber reality that, it often feels like: the house always wins. All we can do is keep ourselves accountable and hope to not get too jaded by the Nathans of the world because, in all honesty, they’re a dime a dozen.
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