black women are not uncoachable, they are unprotected

March 17, 2017
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Again, Black women are attacked on social media for not being worthy of love. This time from a screenshot comment captured by BallerAlert. The discussion was in response to “Why do Black athletes marry white women?”

Someone under the handle of Maserati Rick made this statement, “The answer is simple, brother,” he begins. “Most of the sisters were raised in broken homes and they don’t have proper guidance to how they should treat a man, so they mess up a lot in relationships. The biggest difference is that a white woman knows her position and accepts her role as a woman and let’s her man lead. You can never get better at anything unless you can admit your fears and your mistakes. How would I be a better football player, if I’m not coachable? Black women are not coachable. Let’s put it that way.”

By Asher Primus, AFROPUNK Contributor

I really hate how Black women are constantly belittled for either their lack of submission, femininity and intelligence through the lens of respectability politics.

The screenshot comments from Maserati Rick reminded me of a group men called MGTOW, and I would not be surprised if he is a part of them. MGTOW stands for Men Going Their Own Way. It is an online social group of sexually frustrated men that uses the “nice guys finish last” scenario to guilt women into dating. Most of the vloggers can be found via YouTube. Their common belief is that American or Westernized women have abandoned traditionalism thanks to feminism. Granted, this is a Men’s Rights Movement populated by a majority of white men, but of course Black men joined in so they too can reclaim traditionalism. Black MGTOW is a subgroup that branches and speeches to Black men. No surprise, racism within MGTOW from white men have created friction within the movement.

Black MGTOW stereotypes Black women as those who love bad boys and gangsters, which leads to their belief on why some Black women are single mothers. Their solution is solely shaming tactics. In theory, dating will magically fix all the social, political and economic problems in the Black community.

The lack of submission is a huge offset to them because they believe they deserve sex. Most of these men hide under screen names and avatars, so it is anyone’s guess why these narcissists are single. MGTOW does not attempt tosee or understand what Black women go through and this why those men are not getting respect or love.

First off, women do not owe men sex for any reason, especially based off a misogynist doctrine that tells Black women to be racially loyal while being abused. Consent is never mention in their YouTube videos. Even in dating, a woman’s body is her body and no one else have the right to control or violate her anatomy.

I see this toxic masculinity within the conscious community as well, granted it was the reason I left the movement. No one should be crying for sex because they have some pseudo-knowledge of ancient Africa. What Black misogyny does not see is how hurt Black women are physically and mentally. They are put into a box where they are wanted and not wanted at the same time. MGTOW wants the pretty girl in the room, while tearing her down for her sexuality.

In my experiences with rejection, I had to accept that there are numbers of reasons a person may not be attracted to me. There could be hidden issues that she may be facing, like she is not ready for a relationship. Broken hearts take time to heal. Other times, rejection is socio-political statement. I have been rejected by a Black woman whom I liked, but she was not into me because I was not Christian and because I am Black. She preferred white men so she could have a mixed baby. Honestly, that bothers me every now and then, but mainly I’m just glad that I am no longer in contact with her.

The most haunting dating experience was when I was in a long-distance relationship with a Black woman who did not date Black men because of her molestation. She figured I was different, so she gave me a fair chance. We dated for a couple of months, but the long distance took its toll and we called it off. After getting to know me, she was no longer afraid of Black men. She ended up dating another Black man after breaking up with a white man who would not stop asking her for sex.

Black women and girls are not protected in our communities. Black girls do not have the luxury to be carefree princesses. Some must be fighters and defenders of Black womanhood. Before any men’s rights activist attack Black women’s dating choices, I would like to ask if they are involved with any local rape crisis and domestic violence centers. If Black men are claiming they are not given respect, then it should not be a debate that Black women need allies to fight abuse in our own community. The point of this is not for dating, but mutual understanding.

Black women and girls are not like other privileged women outside the Black community, so implying that they should be submissive based off of racial loyalty is abusive. Rather than demand submission, men in men’s rights movements should understand consent and controlling their own egos.