this black girl is being belittled online after posting video of racist boyfriend abusing her

November 16, 2016

I recently detailed my experiences from last year with a very, very violent ex-boyfriend, of whom I only dated for three short, but hellish months.

Though I made mention of him being ten years older than I, it makes me wonder if the overall response to the article would have been much different had I also specified that he was Black.

It isn’t that I hate Black Men (and men in general) — it’s that I’m terrified of them.

In every instance of my abusers, from sexual to verbal, and beginning at ages five and upwards, from men in my own family, to romantic relationships, and thensome, they have all been Black Men.

The amount of support I received was astounding; as was the constant victim-shaming that outweighed the support. Not only across several social media platforms, but from within my inner circle of friends and family:

“Why would you want to be with a man like that in the first place?”

“You should have just called the police.”

“What did you do to make him so angry?”

“You get what you deserved for staying.”

“You need to stop fucking with ‘aint-shit niggas’ “/ “You need to choose better.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone…?”

Hmm. Gee. Perhaps for the exact same reasons that a disheartening 70% of Domestic Violence cases go unreported:

By Jacqueline-Elizabeth*, AFROPUNK contributor

Fear of repercussion (from the abuser), and/or the shame of speaking up.

Survivors of Domestic Abuse and Violence already have to cope with the constant self-guilt and self-hatred from having stayed in an abusive situation; hearing the exact same things Survivors tell or ask themselves daily–and from trusted loved ones nonetheless, only makes it easier not to speak up and address the abuse whatsoever.

The reluctance stems from the stigma surrounding Domestic Violence in that somehow, it’s always the abused that are held accountable for the actions of their abuser.

To make matters worse, far too often, when many Survivors do find the strength to speak up and and speak out, many Survivors find themselves villainized.

Survivors such as Madison Amelia, who boldly released to the world video proof of her ex-boyfriend, Chris Minior (and father of four children, none of whom is Madison mother to) in the middle of an aggressive, racist verbal assault against her that took place several months ago.

That was all it took to catapult the video (as well as Madison herself) into the viral social stratosphere practically overnight, making Madison a target for an unending deluge of judgement, hated, and cruel comments flung her way from every angle of the internet.

The video in question was posted by Brown Girl Squad via Facebook, with this message of support and as a warning to Black Women:

The message above reads:

“Please screen your partner, Black Femmes. We tend to be targets of every type of predator. They do not have a gender, NOR do they have race. We are the demographic expected to pick up the scraps of romantic partners, but FUCK THAT! No matter who you date, it’s critical that your partner doesn’t have values that directly oppose your position. SCREEN.”

And Black People only cared about this for one reason, and one reason alone–

Madison is biracial; she is half Black and half white. Her abusive ex-boyfriend Chris Minior, is white.

Madison Amelia on this picture of her and Chris during happier times.

Madison’s ordeal is only made worse by the fact that her ex boyfriend, a man a good ten years older than she, has taken to dragging her on social media, with the help of his self-proclaimed “sidechick”, Lacey Lorance (who is around thirty-four years of age, and also ten years older than Madison as well), whom remains taunting Madison in a petty display of Facebook posts:

In another post by Lacey Lorance, she openly announces that she has sold many of the books (some of them, college workbooks) that Chris Minior refused to return to Madison. In the same post, Minior goes so far as to make a crude reference to Uncle Tom’s Cabin, of which Madison never owned to begin with.

And Lacey Lorance isn’t the only sidechick (there are several other women, including a fifteen-year-old girl of whom Chris has exchanged sexually explicit emails and photos with) that
had something to say to–and about–Madison.
Laura , a Hispanic woman with a young daughter, and one of Chris’s many women, has no
problem flaunting with her relationship with Chris

Nor does she mind spewing ignorant and hateful messages to Madison by way of Instagram:

Many ignorant people believe Madison is still with him, and/or believe this video is recent, when, to reiterate, it’s months old. The trauma inflicted upon Madison, however, is still fresh and will last a lifetime. One website has taken to posting the video (without Madison’s consent) to report upon the story, however, no one bothered to reach out to her for any interview, nor, to do any fact checking. The comments and replies to the article itself are saturated with judgement and dripping with condescending overtones. The article in question ends with: “She’s dating another white boy”, as if to insinuate that she shouldn’t (and/or didn’t learn her “lesson” the first time). Madison’s new boyfriend, however, isn’t white; he’s Portuguese, and during our conversations, Madison lamented upon on how she has come to appreciate the simple things in her new, healthy relationship that makes her feel cherished; from her man making her dinner, to simple backrubs. As a Survivor myself, and with so many similarities in between our past, abusive relationships, I reached out to Madison, knowing she deserves to have her voice heard. We both understand too well the stigma that befalls Black Women who speak up about violence, and how degrading it is to have our tales of survival warped and spun to villainized us. We know too well what it feels like to not be supported /rejected by the Black Community when we need them most. Madison was more than glad to share with me her truth that far too many are all too eager to ignore in favor of shaming her as a Black Woman in an abusive relationship with a white man —

“When I was a senior in college I met a man named Chris. He was ten years older than me and we quickly became close. Closer than I’d been with anyone. He was my other half, my life line. We were together for three years in total, but in reality, it started to go down hill after eight months . There were always other girls, but then I found it, the email. He was emailing Transgendered prostitutes, and yet I stayed. Chris is a diagnosed narcissist; he can talk his way out of everything and convince you that you were in the wrong- that you were crazy. Chris has two kids (that I knew about) and they lived with us- we were a family. Chris quit smoking in November of 2014 and that is when my world was rocked. Everything I did was vile, everything I said was wrong. The first time he hit me we were on a backroad and pulled over because I thought he was going to throw up from drinking. I touched his shoulder, and he turned and cold cocked me. The next morning he didn’t remember. It started to become more frequent, and over the years, he stopped being sorry. Stopped talking his way out of of it. Just said I could stay or leave in a body bag. I accepted that this was my fate. The racial hate started after I became too afraid to leave, and too terrified to talk back. He talked about me , my dad , my life. Hateful terrible things. But then would tell me we would have beautiful children and I could never wrap my mind around it. To the rest of the world, we were perfect. We were a happy couple, a power couple. No one knew that he was hitting me so hard I was losing consciousness and choking me until I saw light behind my eyes. Occasionally I would see the person I fell in love with and I would fall back in, hard. This cycle went on for about two years. In the spring of 2016 we decided to relocate to Texas. That is where my world was turned upside down. The abuse was daily, the hurtful words were daily and the cheating, that was almost daily too. As the election grew closer his racial hate was palpable. You could feel it in the air. “Stupid Nigger” was something I frequently heard. He told the women he slept with that I was his slave and I didn’t work. When in reality, I was the breadwinner, the provider. We had been there for two months when I found emails to Transgendered prostitutes again. I also found out about the women he was sleeping with. 1800 miles away from my home, and I was alone. Finding things out is always what got me hurt, but my mouth just wouldn’t stay shut. It was a long time of being pinned down, flipped over the couch and holding ice to my face while my mouth bled on our bathroom floor. I didn’t think I was leaving alive– he told me I wasn’t. I then knew that is what I needed to do, leave. I fled the state of Texas in the middle of the night while he was out cheating. I rented a Tahoe, packed up my dogs and left. I left my belongings and my fear behind. Crossing the Texas state line is the most liberating thing I’ve ever felt. However it wasn’t over, he would torment me through email/text/Internet for months until I filed a restraining order.” It goes without saying that the support from the Black Community has been anything less than positive. Many view Madison’s experience as something she “deserved” for being (and staying) with a white boy in the first place, and have labeled her a “traitor” for dating outside of her race (something Black Women are often unjustly stigmatized for, whereas Black Men are given daps and praise) –

And yet Madison is handling all of the trolls and haters like the Queen she is:

Other Black Femmes, such as unapologetically Black Feminist, Aysha Bee (@missayshabee), has taken to social media to defend Madison against those who believe she gets what she “deserves”, and many of whom haven’t ever found themselves in a dangerous and abusive situation:

Violence is violence. Period. And domestic violence Survivors should be finding solace– not shame– in breaking the silence; if only to let all of the Madison Amelia’s out there know they aren’t alone. Thank you, Madison, for your strength, for your courage, and for sharing the strength and encouragement your story will give to so many others.

*Chicago-born and raised Androgynous AltModel and Pokemon Master, Jacqueline-Elizabeth (AKA Kurosune Suicide / JaxJax Attaxx of the SuicideGirls, and Cosplay Deviants) developed a lifelong love of reading and writing at ages two and three, scored her first big writing gig as Nerdy But Flirty’s first, Black writer, and was later recruited by the Jace Hall Show (now TwinGalaxiesLive!) as also not only their first Black writer, but their first female one as well.

Her interests include watching anime, cosplaying, modeling, reading manga, gaming, 420 shenanigans, surfing, increasing her number of tattoos, rainy days in bed journaling, and writing about anime, manga, and hentai for Jamie Broadnax’s site, BlackGirlNerds.com

Twitter: @jaxjaxattaxx Instagram: @jaxjaxattaxx Website: thetempest.co/author/jaxjax-attaxx/ Blog: http://blackgirlnerds.com/?s=Jaxjax