punks gotta eat: if bands were food, what food would they be 2

October 15, 2012

What’s your spirit animal? What’s your patronus if you were a Harry Potter person? What songs describe you? if you were a sandwich what kind of sandwich would you be? Welcome to PUNKS GOTTA EAT where we salivate over over foods and bands at the same damn time.


Words By: Henny X Harmon, Contributor


Janelle Monae = Shrimp Pad Thai

Shrimp Pad Thai is an authentic, old school classic! We can pretty much say the same thing about Janelle. Both the artist and noodle delight are served with a variety of seasonings to suit your taste, and can often be pretty damn SPICY. It’s fresh, exotic and familiar and even a little NUTTY! And even though you can devour it time and time again, it’ll never get old, and it will never not be delicious. Oh, Janelle we will never tire of you, and when  garnished with a flower both look good enough to eat. #nocannible


Das Racist = Chicken & Waffles

For years, people said Chicken and Waffles seem like an unlikely duo, but over time it has become accepted as an obvious and natural pairing that at one time seemed so strange. Some people still don’t understand the sweet and salty, crispy chewy combination and continue to call it weird, even though there is a chicken and waffels movement happening right before your eyes. They’re nervous to try until they take a bite and realize how much they’ve been missing out on. Sometimes they cry a little bit. Just like the DR boys! It took a while for many people to realize just how AWESOME a combo of a Heem’s NY flow mixed with the Nor-Cal lax flow from Kool AD could be- until they took a bite, and now ya’ll can’t get enough. WE TOLD YOU YOU’D LOVE IT! Dap is the syrup.


Straight Line Stitch = BACON!

Chocolate bacon, bacon on cupcakes, bacon popcorn, bacon ice cream, pancake bacon, maple bacon donuts and top that shit off with a bacon mint. BACON IS THE SHIT and ADDICTING and so is Straight Line Stitch. Even if you don’t eat meat, it’s hard to resist the wafting smell that fatty pork slab makes when sizzling in a pan. And if you don’t like hardcore punk, it’s pretty hard to deny that SLS is anything other than dope. They might even become your new obsession. and now im craving bacon…


Purple Ferdinand = Chocolate Lava Cake (with a scoop of vanilla ice cream)

Chocolate lava cake is sweet, deep, and just amazing. It’s sooo sweet but looks kind of crazy once you make a mess of it. it’s a “beautiful anomaly” of a dessert that looks one way when it serves and changes completely, as soon as you crack it open. In a couple of interviews, Purple states that she chose the name Purple Ferdinand because the color purple is deep, dark, passionate, and has a luxurious beauty. Now if you can’t tell me that whenever you think of chocolate lava cake or even bite into a piece of one you can’t think of all those words, you’re just a ninny. Besides this edgy British sweetheart being a great talent, she’s also a tattooist and does some of her own tattoos! Point blank if you love chocolate lava cake…you’ll love Purple Ferdinand.



Rick Ross = The Luther Burger

The Luther burger derives from the late and great Luther Vandross and was known for being one of his favorite meals. This 1,500 calorie death trap consists of TWO burgers topped with bacon, cheese, and sandwiched in between 2 Krispy Crème donuts. SERIOUSLY? SERIOUSLY? COME ON HUMANS, LETS NOT BE RIDICULOUS! I don’t know about you but I can hardly look at the photo without getting heartburn, and that’s exactly how I feel about Mr. Ricky Rozay. Some people think it’s AWESOME, some people think it’s abso-fucking-Iutly ridiculous. Even if the Luther Burger is delicious and even if I really listened to Rick Ross’ music and it turns out to be pretty decent, there is no debate that it’s just TOO much. Also, being an ex-officer of the law I’m pretty sure he can down about 7 of these bad boys in a sitting. Sorry Officer Ricky.