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“common truths: or why i love my pussy”
As part of our August focus on Body Politics, AFROPUNK is proud to debut ‘Common Truths: Or Why I Love My Pussy,’ a new poem from Staceyann Chin and her upcoming book of poetry, Crossfire.
Women have always been
the center of things beautiful for me
becoming woman
has always been the center of my girlhood
the sum of my thighs
ankles
even my shoulders were always girl
when I bled for the first time
I told my best friend
wrapped my secret in her ear
and assured her
that this blood meant we could make babies
but being girl in Jamaica
in 1980 meant I had to run faster
than my cousin’s fingers/farther
than his sweaty palms reaching for my hands
my tiny breasts had to be brave
against his fury when I refused
one night I stabbed him
pencil point sliding swift into his flesh
the whole house cried out
and I was proud of my yellow pencil
point sharp and without fear
my aunt beat me anyways
for making your cousin bleed, she said
and I cried more out of loneliness
than anything
the other cousin’s name
still remains quiet upon my tongue
I think of him
when I am sad or angry
or afraid of things that do not make noises in the dark
stark raving mad
he showed me his dick
told me you smell like a woman
in that little girl’s body
hips barely budding he cornered me
in the hallway
the bathroom
when I bled
I washed quick and quiet
years later he still smiles at me
even now
no apologies necessary
I was only a girl
quick and quiet girls learn
to wash the details away
bury them under briefs
jeans
cargo pants
under these panties
rests the story of these chochas
these twats/these bushes that bleed
on time
once a month I am reminded
that though I have not yet given birth
I can
my pussy can do something
no dick or tomcat can
I dare you to make people
without a vagina
Shiva
or Man
or beast
even Jesus had to pass through a punani
angels and messengers aside
Mary had to lend passage to God
or them Christians might still be Jews
waiting for a Christ
that was stuck up the ass of some man
who thought he could
do what even little girls are forced to do
in Sri Lanka
in Uganda
in South Carolina
everyday
against our wishes
we carry common stories of sons
and fathers
and cousins who violate the sanctity of these bodies
these breasts
this ability to make breath
from passion
or the neat decision of an intent
one day
I hope my belly will bloom little miracles called Andrea
or Elisha
or Alexander
mouths will open wide
in wonder
and terror
everyday men ponder
the magic of what vaginas do
everyday
women carry people into being
and everyday
even on the most petrifying day
I stand grateful I was born
bloody snatch in just the right place
today I am glad I am a girl
especially since yesterday
my mother told me
go ahead and write your story
no matter that I will write her
in unflattering truths
write
she told me
and I hope the book sells
so you can afford to raise a daughter
with a heart like yours
and everything was better
between us
it did not matter that she left me
twice
no matter that in Jamaica
in 1972
in 1980
she chose her safety over mine
yesterday
she said write/my daughter
and the world righted itself
I wish
that every mother whose daughter
survived the burial of unspoken things
would give her permission
to say what happened
to write down how she endured
the terror of being a small girl
in a world that so deeply favors men
I wish every cunt had the courage
to bear public witness
I wish every woman
had a pen/a clear view and the support
she needs to scream
what happened to me was not my fault
what happened to me was not my fault
WHAT HAPPENED TO ME WAS NOT MY FAULT
Staceyann Chin’s Crossfire will be released in October on Haymarket Books
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