a white liberal miracle!

April 1, 2019
58 Picks

White liberals, Columbus Day came early! No, a new CBD cafe is not opening. This is better. 

In a world where Black people can call out racism and micro-agressions on social media, white people have been left very vulnerable. The internet is scawy 🙁 

It’s every white liberal’s worst fear to be dragged by Black twitter, and understandably so! I can’t even imagine how chilling it must be to not know if you are featured on a Black person’s finsta. All you did was tell them they’ll never understand your anxiety! Ugh no fair!

You must have a pit in your stomach every time you witness two Black people look at each other, giggle (or worse make that “sksksk” sound) and wonder if it’s about you. So what if you asked them how their hair grew so quickly over the weekend? Oh, how to live with this, you brave souls. 

To all the white people who a Black person has came for before: there is light at the end of the tunnel, and you have Randall Otis, a writer on The Daily Show, to thank for that. 

In his own words: Liberal? White? Guilty as hell? Let me help you get through your tough, tough times with ASMR for White Liberals. 

Please, white liberals, take care of yourselves. While you may not be able to touch our hair (I know, wtf!) you can close your eyes and feel like you’re swimming in Otis’s follicles. 

Happy White history timeline y’all, enjoy!!!

Be sure to follow Randall Otis on twitter, instagram and