the solution to cultural appropriation is stealing white people’s sh*t! #satire

By McKensie Mack, AFROPUNK contributor

People steal culture every day.

Brown people put on makeup to look like Black people.

White people put on Halloween costumes to look like South Asian people(not to be confused with tan people who are def going to get skin cancer in a few days).

Ashy makeup companies release makeup in brown shades to be like Rihanna.

I mean, I could go on and on and on.

And it’s not like we don’t know what’s happening. We’ve seen hundreds of articles about people who put on cultures and identities to make money and look interesting when really issa trap cause they are in fact boring as hell.

If you’re like me, you’ve probably reached your limit of trying to tell WABs (weak ass bitches) to stop appropriating culture. You probably feel like giving up. Well I’m here to tell you that giving up is not the answer! No. Stealing is the answer.

“McKensie are you telling me to start stealing other people’s cultures since they are forever stealing mine?”

Yup! That is exactly what the fuck I am telling you to do right now. But let’s get specific, dear one. I am telling you to steal.. from white people.

That’s right. The most dominant group on the racialized hierachy of our country (right after Asian women cause they are fucking killing it right now and make more than white women #haha) are white people. And since white people refuse to stop stealing our culture and continue to provide models for lighter skinned Brown people to also follow in the footsteps of poppa white man and steal the cultures of Black people and Native people they are not, it’s time we started stealing from them.

“So you’re saying I should go to River (insert rich white people neighborhood name) and start muffing the hell out of rich, white people and taking their belongings?”

No, no, no. Hold up, hun. I’m not saying that exactly but hey, if you wanna, go for it! Just don’t caught. Cause in our country making a white person feel bad about themselves can get you at least 10–15 if you’re Black, and 5–10 if you’re Mexican so don’t go overboard.

What I am saying though is that since white brands want to make money stealing Black vernacular or gain followers by imitating Chola culture, it’s only fair that we steal their shit (that they probably stole from us in the first place anyway because get real).

So, here’s how you do it:

If you see a video of a white person giving a really inspirational speech on Twitter or on Facebook, write down some real shit that they say. This should take no longer than two seconds because we are talking about the whites, am I right? Then take those ‘quotes’ and sell them on t-shirts making sure to note that the person that actually said it was in fact you.

If you see a funny tweet that a white person has written, go to Facebook and Instagram and make a post about it. Make up some flim flammy fake ass story about how you came up with the thought you’ve shared being sure to make it clear that you definitely did not steal it from a white person which you absolutely did do which is great because that is what the fuck you should definitely be doing #teehee. Also, if a lot of people like it, be sure to follow through with step one so that you can make money off that hilarious shit. It is your intellectual property after all!

Now, I know what you’re thinking. What if a white person makes a stink and claims that you’ve stolen your work. No worry, fam! We have the perfect solution for that as well. If that white person accuses you of stealing: Block they ass and keep it moving!

Stealing from white people is the best option. Just try it for 30 days and if in 30 days you’re not fully satisfied with the intellectual property you’ve called your own and made money off of, then you’re not doing it right.

Enjoy!

Like what you see here, beloved? Do one or all of the following. 1. Follow me on Twitter @mckensiemack. 2. Clap on my article. 3. Make it rain bills into my tip jar at paypalme.com/moneyhereplease (denominations of $50 and $100 highly preferred).

*McKensie Mack child of southern butter black folk. host of shows about politics, history, and humanity. I tell jokes for liberation. give me money: paypalme.com/moneyhereplease