FashionSex & Gender

single, bi-sexual black man seeking black woman

January 10, 2011

I have this Black male guy friend. He just landed on the opposite side of 30 and finds himself single. Very marriage minded; he eagerly waits for the day when he can meet that special lady and have children. He’s a successful entrepreneur in New York City. He has a devilish sense of humor. He LOVES his Momma and always conducts himself as a gentleman. His body is cut up like a Greek statute thanks to his daily body building and yoga routines. His smile can light up a room. And above all else he is a man of principles; this guy is honest and refuses to play games with a person’s heart. So Single Black woman having trouble finding a ‘Good’ Black man…interested yet?

Single, Bi-Sexual Black Man Seeking Black Woman

Words Tracy Renee Jones for

This worldly Libra has his own place in Brooklyn (with Brooklyn swagger included). He enjoys spoiling a lover with time, affection and attention. He travels frequently and runs in some very interesting circles. He’s also a personal trainer so you know he’s got ‘stamina’ and what Good Black woman doesn’t want that in a man?

He shoots hoops with the (equally fine) fellas! He’s a collector of African art! He’s a writer, poet and photographer! He’s also a very active and in demand MODEL!!!! Are you sold yet? Oh, yeah. There’s one more thing I forgot to mention. This single, marriage minded, eligible Black man is also bisexual. That’s not a problem, right? Because he still possesses ALL of the qualities listed above, doesn’t he?

He wants to marry a woman and have kids some day soon. Like any other man, he wants to make a baby and one day be known to the world as ‘Daddy’. He has everything these single Black women say they want in a ‘Good Black’ man, no?

Queen ‘O’s knew what to do to (further) boost her ratings during her finale season of her monumental talk show. Her latest show with author J.L. King’s revisited the topic of down low brothers. Nearly everyone who watched it noticed the exploitative undertones of the show. I doubt some Black women need encouragement or a reminder from Oprah to continue to diligently witch hunt those lowdown, down low, sneaky, whorish, lying, conniving “closeted” BLACK gay men.


Some men are living a ‘down-low’ life; just like there are straight men that fall into bed with anything with a heartbeat and put their health and the health of their loved ones at risk. There are homosexual men that are semi-closeted and only come out to their close friends and family. There are homosexual men that live their lives in total secret for professional and religious reasons. There are homosexual men that do not go ‘down low’ to satisfy their alternative sexual appetite. There are homosexual men that are happily out and F- you if you don’t like it.

In the mean time guys like my friend Corey are pushed further and further into the realm of nonexistence. The behaviors and examples of gay men that are shown in the media all seem to be specifically chosen to reinforce the stereotype of the sissified, feminine, weak male. These are the images of gay men that both female and male heterosexuals find familiar and non-threatening. Homosexual men are not thought to be threatening or taken seriously. Homosexual men are here for your entertainment; or to be your best girlfriend; or at the very least, to tighten up your Doobie.

People often confuse sexuality with gender. Sexual orientation refers to sexual desires, feelings, practices and identification. Sexual orientation can be towards people of the same or different sexes (same-sex, heterosexual or bisexual orientation). Gender identity refers to the relationship between sex and a person’s experience of self expression in relation to social categories of masculinity or femininity (gender). Sexual orientation is not something you can ‘see’ no matter how great you think your ‘gay-dar’ is. A person’s gender has nothing to do sexual orientation. There are many bisexual (and homosexual) men and women who exhibit behavior in line with traditional gender roles up to and including the desire to marry someone they love and waiting for day when it will be their turn to pop out some youngings.

But what are the odds that a Black woman would still find this “Good” Black man to still be a worthwhile catch upon learning that he is bisexual? Would these Black women who are so desperate to find a ‘soul mate’ be willing to consider life with a man who openly and honestly admits to having maintained past relationships with both men and women? If he were to commit to one woman while in a relationship I don’t feel like his sexual history with men would matter any more than a straight man’s sexual history with other women. After all, as a bi man, Corey is DEFINITELY attracted to Black woman.

I think Corey is a “Good” Black man and he will make some lucky man OR woman a fine partner one day. He’s old fashioned and is looking to settle down and have children. I think he’ll make a GREAT Dad when his time comes. Here is a BLACK MAN who isn’t a felon, nor is he a disrespectful, cheating, emotionally unavailable, underemployed, abusive, angry, low down, “down low” excuse of a Black man. I’ll take him if yall don’t want him! Rather than looking at his sexual orientation as a DISQUALIFICATION, I’m willing to bet there are plenty who would accept his sexual orientation as a part of who he is or better yet, those who would see it as a QUALIFIER, possibly making this GOOD BLACK Man, the perfect catch.

BTW, the above pics are of Corey… Holla!