how to beat teenage angst- shut the hell up!

September 20, 2010

We undermine the reality of depression by saying it’s “normal” when it seems anything but normal— especially when everyone else seems to breezily be going by day-to-day, and you’re, instead, fixated on all of the small banalities of your own life, a planet in peril, and how the Pixies shouldn’t have broken up even though you were a toddler when they did. Unfortunately, the harder you ruminate on all the bad, the more likely you are to forget the good, and go through hyper sensations of unexplainable, very illogical grief. Feelings of forlorn, and lack of solid identity one day, and alienation, and just general weirdness another day; a sense of nakedness is felt as, you, glassy-eyed, and sleep-deprived from idly surfing the internet all night, eerily trudge from class to class.

How To Beat Teenage Angst- Shut the hell up!
Words Safy Hallan Farah
You wonder if you’ll ever be a real writer, but you don’t actually do any real writing. You’re thinking of the future, and it scares you. You want to stop hating yourself, but you don’t want to end up like the mediocre, happy people in the detergent ads. Skip the commercials, and stop being mediocre yourself.
1. Stop Armchair Philosophizing
“Religion just makes more sense because we had to have come from something. I question a lot. I don’t know if we will ever know if there is a God, but I like to think there is. So I’m really pretty Agnostic.”
That watered-down version of religion does not make you Agnostic, and claiming Agnosticism does not make you any different from the crazy conservative kids you so desperately want nothing to do with when you still believe in all of it.
“I just believe in love, and treating people with respect, and decency, and no war. I don’t know if there’s a God, man. I just think we’re all human, and my religion just feels right to me. My religion is just about being moral, and loving everyone equally.”
That’s nice and all, but do yourself a favor, and realize now it’s all made up, and that you’d benefit from learning about a little thing called Evolution. If you’re as smart as you think you are, it will blow your mind, and actually, Adam and Eve never existed, and the sooner you realize this, the better.
But there’s actually a lot of science in my religion.
Most of that shit was plagiarized, or really, really obvious. Sorry to break it to you.
Dude, I just don’t want to go hell. I know all of this is ridiculous, but I believe in it because eternal hellfire sucks.
Hell doesn’t exist. Neither does heaven. Acknowledge this, and you’ll quickly breakout of the mental ghetto your parents created for you as a child. The angst will subside when you realize your religion is bullshit. Avoid becoming one of those lame members of society that go into adulthood disgruntled because their expectations about life, and religion, were way too high for them to actually function, and turn out normal. These folks work in cubicles. These folks flip burgers. These folks cry at night because their prayers go unanswered. You can skip this entirely by asking yourself the honest questions which will lead you to denouncing your religion, and abandoning your adolescent quasi-religious ways.
2. Stop Being An Elitist About Music
It’s limiting, and quite frankly, childish. Your taste in backpack rap, and so-called indie rock does not make you any more equipped to navigate the social landscape, inspired, smarter, or more aware. It just means you’ve got Zach Braff’s hand up your butt. The truth is, not all country music sucks (i.e. Dixie Chicks, Dolly Parton), Lil Wayne has some shit that will blow your mind, and [insert genre] isn’t dead, you’re just too dead inside to realize it. Also, ironically liking an artist isn’t cute. It’s annoying, and insulting. Stop being a prick about stuff like this, and start being open to the idea of liking something you’re not familiar with already, and you’re closer to achieving – not self-actualization, or true happiness – but something close to that at least.
You’ll free up your mind to think about more important things than how you’re just like that kid from Almost Famous. If you ever end up writing a column for the Rolling Stone, it’ll happen when you’re old, not 16. Actually develop some kind of taste before you start deciding what’s “good” music. At this stage in your life, your music could very well be good, but no one gives a shit. You should stop giving a shit, too.
3. Stop Thinking Your Life Sucks
There are people dying next door.
4. Actually Do Shit
Finish that assignment due in 3 hours. Write that novel in your head. Don’t drop all your classes. Spend at least half your day outside your dorm, or bedroom. Volunteer. Help your parents, help your friends, but most of all, help yourself. To paraphrase another post of mine: go above and beyond your standards, manage your time, and at the very least: attempt to meet deadlines. Sleep, exercise, and eat well – that means going to bed before midnight on a school night, not under or over-exercising, and eating enough food to get that energy to your body, and mind, enabling you to stop being an angsty cunt that scribbles Morrissey lyrics in their notebook during classes.
Start being an active participant in this thing called life. Life is simple, and over-thinking it has made you nostalgic about things you shouldn’t be concerned with. No Nirvana, and flannel here, it’s 2010. Stop wishing you were a teenager in the 90s because you know that if that was the case, you would be really old right now, and being old sucks.